i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
