I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
