So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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