I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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