Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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