Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
