we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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