Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
