Where did you get a picture of my penis
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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