16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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