Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
honey bunches of taint.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
