I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
