did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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