I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
