We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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