sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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