Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
