Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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