you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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