my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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