Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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