The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
