evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
