I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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