How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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