I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We left the knife in your bed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
