I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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