its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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