i may or may not be watching the land before time
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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