I wish my penis had an off switch
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
4 words: hood of his car
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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