The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
