Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
