We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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