It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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