hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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