Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
