i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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