this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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