wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
