she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
