That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
