Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
