I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
