Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
