He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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