We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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