Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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