He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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