Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
