i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the day after is always just damage control
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
