He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is my gift to your gina
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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