Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
