she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it penis luge time yet?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
