I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
