I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
