My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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