i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
