We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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