Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
