You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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