Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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