i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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