But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize