I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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