dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
