all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
