I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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