Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
