Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
