y did u give ur computer a hand job?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
