I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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